I just want to preface this post by saying I know I’m in a much more fortunate position than some people. I haven’t been forced to take a job just to make ends meet, and I have been given the gift of time to find out what I really want to do. However, this hasn’t made the past few months feel particularly easy.
No one really talks about the ‘post-uni blur’, unless you are lucky to leave with a job lined up, most people seem to finish their studies and are met with this overwhelming question of ‘what now?’ In some ways it still hasn’t hit me that my degree is over, mostly down to the fact my graduation is in February, but I feel like I’m stuck in some form of limbo before moving into a career.
Now, I feel lucky as BIMM were so big on us gaining actual work experience, I’ve not finished with only a degree, I have some great experience to show for it. I genuinely feel confident in applying for jobs, so I don’t want this post to just be about finding work because I’ve spent the past year driving myself crazy at the thought of working.
I feel as though I’ve gone through quite the identity crisis recently. I’ve spent a long time resenting having CFS/ME as I feel as though it’s stripped away most of the things that made me feel like me. I spent my entire childhood as a performer, and more specifically a dancer, and when I wasn’t doing something in the arts I was doing sports. I spent my entire life being extremely active, and now I barely manage to walk 20 minutes without needing to stop and rest for a while. The rational side of my brain knows this isn’t my fault, and wallowing around won’t change anything. However, on the bad days it feels like I’m more of an illness than a person.
I promise I am going somewhere with all of this and I have learnt a lot over the past few months. I’ve never really believed in ‘finding yourself’ or anything like that, however I guess I always thought a job would help define my identity. But being in an odd limbo of no longer being a student, not having a salaried job and no hobbies, it’s been a bit surreal. I’ve found myself feeling quite insecure in who I am.
On the flip side of this, I can see this as a great opportunity to work out what I want to do. Cal and I have had lots of deep chats about the future and been making some exciting plans which I’m sure I’ll talk about soon! Whenever I’ve spoken about this with others they’ve felt the same and I don’t think anybody every really knows what they’re doing in life. I think it’s all a waiting game and a bit of trial and error.
See you next time pals x