Now this may seem a strange title, however I promise I am going somewhere with this. It’s so easy when you have any type of long term health condition to get bogged down in the negatives of it. Which lets be honest, there are MANY, I am not going to lie having any kind of illness absolutely sucks. There’s no doubt in my mind that life would be a hell of a lot easier if I didn’t have CFS/ME, but I really do believe every cloud has a silver lining, this is just a big ol’ cumulonimbus and the lining is more of a thread. Nevertheless, I spend so much time talking about how important it is to stay positive, and I am generally a very positive person, so I thought I should write about some of the positive things to come out of this illness.
My Relationship is unbelievably strong. Granted, Cal and I have always had a great relationship, but we’ve also had a lot of tests to pass. We spent the first two years long distance and now we live together, it’s hard to ignore the pressure having a disability puts on both of us. Credit where credit is due, it can’t be easy being with someone with an illness, yet Cal never seems bothered by it (or he’s just VERY good at hiding it). I’m not exaggerating when I say if it wasn’t for Cal I wouldn’t be finishing my degree, I am so fortunate he chose to move to Brighton when he did because otherwise I would have had to move back home, I simply couldn’t look after myself without some form of care. On a bad day, Cal is my carer, whether it is bringing me food when I’m bed bound or helping me get changed, I have to depend on him. I spent a long time worrying that this would have a negative affect on us, it certainly isn’t easy but it’s all about balance, so when I am well we make up for it.
I’ve learnt the art of prioritisation. It goes without saying that it’s important to be organised with your time, but this really comes into play when you have an illness like this. I have to prioritise and be realistic with how much I can handle, now don’t get me wrong this is something I’m still awful at but it’s all about baby steps, prioritisation is probably one of the most useful skills to learn and now I have to master it.
I’m a bit nicer to myself . Strong emphasis on ‘a bit’ here as I have much more work to do on this, I’m a long way off where I’d like to be but it’s all about building a foundation. Now as someone who’s battled with depression since I was 16 ~ if not younger ~ I’m terrible for beating myself up over little things and putting a front up to everyone. Since falling ill I’ve had to stop being so hard on myself because I’m already tired enough and facing a constant battle in my head isn’t going to help.
If there’s one thing I’d like you to take away from this post, it’s that no matter how horrid a situation is, there will be something good to come out of it. I’ve said it before but 2018 really was the worst year of my life, I faced battles I never thought I would, but I know I’ve come out a much more resilient person for it. If I can do it, so can you.
See you next time pals x