People that have known me for over three years will notice I’ve changed my name from Ellen to Ells, it started as simply a nickname but soon developed into my full time name. Don’t get me wrong, I will never legally change it as I’m sure there are times in my life where I will go by Ellen, I also wouldn’t want to out of respect for my parents after all they chose this name for me.
I have always gone by a few names, people may not know that my full name is Ellen Jayne Sivakumaran, I mainly go by Ells as I’ve never really been a fan of Ellen. Majority of my family call me Ellie, although they also speak Tamil and I found out when I was 19 that Ellie (probably not spelt like that) is rat in Tamil, so my family had been calling me rat my entire life without me knowing. My Dad calls me Elsie as he’s always called my sisters and I by nicknames, personally Elsie is my favourite sometimes I wish I’d decided to just go by Elsie but I also like that it’s my Dad’s name for me. I call my Dad papa majority of the time and I’d love to say it’s a really sweet story as to why but it actually started because he has terrible selective hearing and overtime he just started to stop listening to Dad. I do think it suits him as well, Papa gives you the image of big, cuddly and happy guy, and my Dad is certainly a great hugger.
The nickname Ells was started by my sisters when I was younger, and I then changed my social media names to Ells to keep them private from people that only knew my by Ellen. It slowly became habit that people would call me Ells and now I even introduce myself as Ells. There is a big part of me that cringes when people call me Ellen as it almost doesn’t feel like me anymore, not to get too deep, there’s only a select few people that call me it now. It’s not as if I have an emotional connection to being called Ells, but there’s an element of being called Ellen that reminds me of being in school and I feel like a very different person to who I was in school. In some ways it makes sense to me to be called something different as I am different.
Most of what this all boils down to is habit, I am used to being called Ells now just like I am used to being called Ellie by my family and Elsie by my papa. Maybe it seems insignificant to some people but it’s important to me and I think people should respect that I want to be known as Ells. Your name is one of the first things people learn about you and it seems strange how little control you have over it, not saying that we should decide our own names, just that we’re allowed a bit of artistic license with them.
See you next time pals x