How my relationships have changed

I decided to take a little break whilst I settled back into university and in all honesty I’ve been fairly unwell the past couple of weeks. It’s easy to remember how these dips in health affect me in the short term but they really knock me back emotionally for while, I find I’m very sensitive for the next week or so as I’m recovering. I made a very painful mistake in overdoing it on the 26th as I had my group session and university enrolment all in one day which meant I was out of the house from 9:30-5 without any breaks or food, and it’s taken a full week to feel better from it.

I thought I would write a post about how my relationships with people have changed since falling ill as I’ve had a lot of time to think about it recently. Now I am very fortunate majority of people around me are unbelievably supportive, even those who didn’t necessarily understand at first have taken the time to learn about it and try to be as helpful as they can. As with everything, there are a few who blatantly don’t get what it’s like to be chronically ill especially if they only see me at my peaks, which I understand. These tend to be the people that make things a competition, as though life is always harder for them, I find it’s easier to humour them and let them win the battle as it isn’t worth the energy.

I think the biggest change I’ve had to adapt to, is how dependent on everyone I am around me, I’ve always been very independent in looking after myself but with CFS/ME I have to depend on others. I have to ask people to help me with things and trust that they’ll be patient with me. As I’ve mentioned before, my boyfriend and I have I just moved in together, which is a blessing as I truly doubt I’d have been able to look after myself in a student house for another year. Don’t get my wrong, my housemates last year were angels and never failed to cheer me up when I was having a bad day but you don’t want to depend on them to wash your dishes or clothes for you. When I’m poorly Callum is effectively my carer, he will help me do everything whether it’s just fetching me things or helping me get dressed. I’m so fortunate to have someone who can look after me like that.

I’ve really learnt a lot about trust during the past two years, I had to judge who I could trust to understand my illness, especially how unpredictable it is. I’ve been very fortunate throughout my life to have had a handful of friends that I’ve grown up with that I knew I could depend on no matter what, but at university friendships are newer and being so far away from my family in Lincoln it was so important to me to know I have support in Brighton. I am lucky that at my university I have a big group of friends, majority of my course are all friends but even outside of that there are several people I know I could turn to in a time of need. I’m lucky to have formed a sort of dysfunctional family around me that understand when I can’t make social events or have to leave early.

I think it’s so important to surround yourself with positive people at the best of times, but the past year has really showed me how vital it is to have a strong support system around me.

See you next time pals x

Author: Ells Jayne

A 21 year old suffering from CFS/ME whilst studying at university in Brighton. Follow my story as I write about living with an invisible illness whilst studying and trying to launch a career.

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